DEATH IS EASY, LIVING IS THE HARDEST PART.
Sitting in my September apartment on Østerbro in Copenhagen, Denmark. The record player is playing “Jeff Buckley” “Grace.”
I stare at my blog trying to write something. Cause what? Cause I wanna connect with the world out there, I guess? Lately it’s been quiet in here. I started a year ago, writing down my thoughts and travels. In this modern forum. This blogging world. A forum that mostly has girls and women talking about their new gucci purse and how to put on the perfect mask, so they look a bit more fake than they already are. (Not all blogs are like that of course and anyone who feels offended by this, might wanna try and write about something different for a change.)
I started out having around 20-40.000 people reading my blog every month. After a while I stopped writing.
…… All the sudden I just didn’t feel like sharing every step of my journey and telling every little secret anymore.
I felt empty and like I needed to shut up for a minute. Go back to just songwriting. Who was reading anyways?
You wanna be an inspiration to people and you wanna share your moments in life. But for me to do that, I gotta tell the full story and the whole truth. I don’t like holding things back. A lot of the stuff going on in my line of work, are things I’m not suppose to talk about, so I hold it back, for my own sake and obviously for other people’s sake too. I especially have a lot on my mind, that this world taught me not to talk about, so I started writing some of it down, without publishing it. Stuff that I know would provoke people, stuff that I know could put my upcoming career in a bad light. Maybe I’ll publish it one day, one day, when I hold enough gravity and substance to get THAT honest with the world. Of course sharing secrets, being honest and straight forward shouldn’t be on anybody else’s expense than your own.
It sure would be a sweet goodbye and one of my biggest dreams to just let it all go and leave this planet like an open book, for people to read and get shocked, laugh, smile, get mad, get provoked to live their lives a bit more free, because I lived and did all the things that we all do, but never tell or talk about, because it’s a crime. A crime to live, love, hurt, go mad, gamble, do drugs, have sex, make really bad decisions, lie, steal and a bunch of other cool stuff that satan taught us.
I want to be honest in my crimes and talk about them, not hiding away my dark side and weaknesses, weaknesses that we all have. They won’t disappear just by silencing them out. And they’re not suppose to disappear. We live with them, we grow with them and we learn to control them.
We are so busy with putting on this glamour like face on the cover of our lives, that makes us look perfect and 100% in control and like we don’t need anyone. I want to take away the glamour and get real for a minute. I want us to look fragile and raw. I want us to come together and talk about our fears. I want us to look like we need each other. Talk like we need each other. Write like we need each other.
Death is easy, living is the hardest part.
– The record stopped and I put on “Beck’s” “Morning Phase.”
Felt good to get this, whatever it was, out. Hope you guys are having a real moment out there, cause I had one writing it.